


Down

by ThoughtfulBreadPolice



Series: Round32020 [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Depression, Established Relationship, M/M, References to Depression, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:54:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22294390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThoughtfulBreadPolice/pseuds/ThoughtfulBreadPolice
Summary: Tony always told Steve to ‘Speak Steve.  You have to talk to me you know?  I'm not a mind reader I can’t predict what you're thinking or feeling about things you actually have to tell me.’.  The thing was though that Steve didn’t know how.  Everytime he opened his mouth nothing came out.  Nothing worthwhile anyways, and Tony always looked so disappointed and sad, like Steve not talking about what’s going on was his fault in some way.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Round32020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601194
Kudos: 43
Collections: Tony Stark Bingo 2020





	Down

**Author's Note:**

> Card #:3018  
> Fill: S2/Apology  
> Relationship: Stony
> 
> I always see Tony being the one struggling with depression in fics but Steve has been through a lot too and I wanted to explore that.

He wanted to apologize, he did, it’s just, he didn’t really know how. How do you apologize for hurting someone so deeply? How do you say ‘ _I’m sorry_ ’ when ‘ _sorry_ ’ isn't good enough? When saying sorry won't be believed, because you can only do so much, say so much before ‘ _sorry_ ’ just isn’t going to cut it anymore.

How do you show someone how sorry you are? Steve scratched his head and sighed. He really hadn’t meant what he’d said to Tony but Tony just didn't know when to stop talking. Steve sighed again. That wasn’t fair at all. It was not Tony’s fault that Steve was having a bad day. It was not Tony’s fault that he didn't know that Steve had a bad headache.

Tony always told Steve to ‘ _Speak Steve. You have to talk to me you know? I'm not a mind reader I can’t predict what you're thinking or feeling about things you actually have to tell me._ ’. The thing was though that Steve didn’t know how. Everytime he opened his mouth nothing came out. Nothing worthwhile anyways, and Tony always looked so disappointed and sad, like Steve not talking about what’s going on was his fault in some way.

Which it wasn’t, not at all. Everything going on with Steve had nothing at all to do with Tony. It never did and Steve was genuinely terrified that one day Tony was going to leave him over his inability to open his damn mouth and ‘ _speak_ ’. Either that or Tony was going to get tired of Steve yelling at him for absolutely no reason and walk out because of that.

And the thing was, the thing was, he loved Tony. Loved him so much sometimes that it hurt. Just the thought of having to live without Tony in his life made it feel like he was dying. Stuck and drowning way down deep in the ice all over again.

But despite feeling like that, he just couldn't ‘ _speak_ ’ the way Tony wanted, needed him to. Couldn't seem to stop himself from exploding from all the things that just build up and build up inside of him until he can’t contain it anymore and he just erupts all over everything. All over Tony.

What could he do? How did he fix it, how did he fix himself? Was that even possible? Steve didn’t feel like it was. He felt so broken and defeated all the time. Like he was stuck in the middle of the ocean with an anchor chained to his legs and it takes everything he has just to stay above water. _Don’t sink, don't sink, because you'll never come up again if you._

And Tony was his light, he was the boat in the water that was just out of reach, and no matter how hard he swam he could never quite reach it. But it was there, Tony was right there and Steve was terrified he’d leave, he’d leave Steve because whatever it was that was wrong with him would be to much for Tony this time.

“Steve? Why are you crying?” Tony knelt down and tried to look under Steve’s arms. “Steve?”

He sounded so worried about him and Steve didn’t understand why. He’d been an unbearable ass to Tony earlier he didn't deserve it, didn't deserve Tony. 

Steve sobbed. “I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry Tony. I don’t, I don’t” Steve’s breath hitched on another sob as Tony pushed close and wrapped his arms around him. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me Tony! I don’t, I'm so sorry.”

Tony sighed. “I know you're sorry Steve, and I know you're trying honey, but you need help.” Tony held up his hand when Steve went to interrupt. “Listen, please? Just, you've been through so much Steve. World War Two, and then waking up seventy years in the future. You've lost so much sweetheart, and you need to talk to someone about all of it. I know you don’t want to, I know you don't think you need to but please Steve, please for me, just try. We’ll find a good therapist, one who specializes in PTSD. Please?”

Steve knew Tony, knew that he didn't beg, but he was begging now. Steve’s breath hitched as he tried to calm down. “Okay. Okay Tony, if you, if you think it will help, I'll try.”

Tony smiled at him then, full of relief and a love that was meant for Steve.

“I love you, Steve, and I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

Steve wrapped his arms tight around Tony’s waist and breathed, feeling for the first time in a long time, that maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay.


End file.
